On Wednesday, I went to a masterclass artfully called 'Playing the Clarinet'. Well guessed, people. I'm not talking about shiny, phallic, musical instruments - I'm talking about the art of cock-sucking.
After downing a bit of Dutch courage at the ladies-only event, we were taken downstairs to the saucier section of the store - bondage and kink galore.
We were introduced to our teacher for the evening, a petite Japanese/American woman who quite frankly oozed sex. Let's put it this way, even the way Midori seductively removed her glasses had me twitching in my seat.
We learnt about Pavlovian Conditioning: Having a visual trigger - such as a vampy red lipstick - which you put on every time you go down on your lover. The lipstick then acts as a visual stimulant, so when he sees you putting it on after dinner, or in a bar, he knows what's in store for him later..
We learnt not to be afraid of watery eyes during a great BJ. Even if your make-up runs and you look like a diseased panda, don't worry. Apparently, due to our neanderthal heritage, this is a GOOD thing! Watery eyes indicates virility and youth.
We had practical sessions too, where we got to practice our new-found techniques on courgettes, ice-lollies, and lollipops. Yes. Really. I will never eat a courgette again.
Instead, visit Midori's website and learn everything there is to know about "playing the clarinet". After all, it's always good to improve your skill set ;-)