Monday, 5 December 2011

MASTURBATION

Something's been bugging me for a while now. And that "something" is masturbation. Not the *actual* act, of course, but the stigma around it.

My sex posts get more views than any other post, but the fewest comments.

Now what does that tell you?

Well, it shows me that whilst people are interested in the topic of female masturbation, they aren't quite willing to admit it. It's a topic of interest, but not necessarily a topic of discussion.

Here are just a few (surprising) facts about masturbation:


Recently, I got a comment on my blog (the user has since deleted it) which said something along the lines of: 'yuck, I'm unfollowing you, I don't like all these "sex toy" posts. You should have a different blog if you wanna write about that. Yuck.'

Now this comment really depressed me. Not because she didn't like my post, but because this girl had such a strongly negative reaction to something that is completely normal. I have but one question for this girl: if you don't even know how to please yourself, then how on earth do you expect someone else to?

I also got a tweet from an utter moron which went something like this: 'Oh you're SO quirky. Why don't you start a blog about loving cock?!' Other than being an absolute genius when it comes to sarcasm, this guy seems to have completely missed the point. Perhaps he's only ever been with girls that shy away from his (probably gangrene) penis. Perhaps he's never encountered a girl who actually enjoys sex. But most likely, he's done what a lot of other people have done - he's turned a perfectly normal and healthy sexual appetite into something deviant and pathetic.

Poor him.

Sure, I was apprehensive about writing my first ever sex post, but after I reminded myself that it's just another piece of content, I got over that pretty quickly. And, the UK sex toy industry is now worth more than £100 million. And 75% of those customers are women. So I'm not the only one. And judging from my stats, I'm certainly not the only one interested in the topic, either.

Not everyone likes to talk about sex (particularly masturbation), but everyone is intrigued, one way or another. And curiosity is good. It means you try new things, and so what if you don't like it - at least you've been open-minded and given it a go.

I hope that I'm able to give all of you honest, candid and friendly reviews. Reviews that you can read anonymously for advice and recommendations. I don't think that we should all become sex-mad, telling every Tom, Dick *snigger*, and Harry about our latest sexual conquest or favourite type of dildo. A little bit of mystery is often a good thing. But I don't appreciate people attacking my strong sense of sexuality, trying to project their own sexual insecurities onto me and my readers.

So, if you're reading this covertly, embarrassed that a friend/partner/colleague/parent might accidentally see what you're reading, just remember you're one of millions.

Embrace it.


Sunday, 4 December 2011

Review: LUSH sparkle toothy tabs

LUSH is 15 years old this week, so to celebrate I'm gonna tell you all about my favourite LUSH product - Sparkle Toothy Tabs!

Toothpaste isn't something that needs to be re-invented... Or is it? How often do you reach for the toothpaste, squirt a big blob on your brush, stop and think: 'there must be a better way'?

Never. Exactly.

But the innovative people at LUSH have.


I mean, there are no other alternatives (that I know of anyway) to the trusty old paste, and I, for one, have just accepted that's the way it is. But then LUSH come in, with their fruity smelling shops and their luxurious crumbly bath products, telling me 'WAIT, there is a better solution.'

Who would've thought it?

So, why are Sparkle Toothy Tabs so brilliant? Well:
  • They're easy to use (pop a toothy tab into your mouth, munch on it to crumble it up, wet your toothbrush, and brush!)
  • Each toothy tab is the perfect amount (so you don't waste ANY)
  • No preservatives
  • No artificial ingredients
  • There's no excessive packaging and it's 100% recyclable (conventional toothpaste is usually packed in plastic or aluminium tubes - plastic takes 450 years to degrade, and aluminium is one of the most energy-intensive metals to extract from the earth)
  • They're vegan (so you get super awesome vegan powers)
  • They get really foamy (so they lather up your entire mouth leaving it feel really, really clean)
  • Weighs five times less than normal tooth paste (every ounce counts when you're packing for holiday)


Just writing down those bullet points has made me realise how easy it is to stick with what you know - like conventional tooth paste - without even thinking about it.

There are only two drawbacks:

  • The tabs do taste a bit weird to begin with (they contain lemon, grapefruit and black pepper), but once you get used to it you hardly notice.
  • At £2.50 for a box of 12g, they're more expensive than toothpaste I'd normally buy, but because there isn't any wastage at all and I can't physically use any more than I need (unless I had 2 tabs at a time) I reckon in the long run this product might even save me money.

So why not try them out for yourself? They have lots of other flavours too, I'll be trialling Atomic next, which is also a Fairtrade product!


Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Review: Boux Avenue bath time loveliness

I don't normally take the time for a bath. I'm a shower girl - bish, bash, bosh. Done. No faffing around with aromatherapy oils, scented candles or bath pillows.

But when Boux Avenue - the latest venture by millionaire entrepreneur Theo Paphitis' - offered to send me some products, I decided to get in the spirit of things.

And boy am I glad I did.


I liked the sound of the White Chiffon range - it sounded light but luxurious - so I opted for the White Chiffon shimmer bath soak and the White Chiffon body lotion.


The bath soak looked like pure gold. So I poured in a *very* generous helping. It smelt wonderful - like lily, jasmine and elderflower.


It's not a bubble bath, so there weren't enormous fluffy bubbles, but instead I was presented with a beautifully silky, gorgeous-smelling bath which I couldn't wait to dive into.


It was so lovely and relaxing that I didn't want to get out. But I remembered the White Chiffon body lotion, which I slathered myself in the minute I got out. It made my skin incredibly soft, smooth and again smelling of jasmine and lily. I went to bed totally relaxed and enjoyed a deep, comatose sleep.

Amazing.

*Boux Avenue are a bespoke lingerie company but their bath products are currently on offer - 3 for 2 - so get them for Christmas presents! I'm going to put an order in for my mum... Also, you can follow Boux Avenue on Twitter here*


Thursday, 24 November 2011

happy birthday sex, shopping and chocolate!

So it's been one long year since I began my little blog, and I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to all of you for reading.


Today, I'll be accepting balloons, cupcakes and jewellery in the form of birthday gifts. Alternatively, you could just follow my blog :-)

Saturday, 12 November 2011

DIY Movember nails

It's Movember.

And whilst the boys are brushing up on their face pubes and dusting off their mo' combs, us girls are left at a loose end. How do we get involved? And for those of you waving your hands in the air, waiting to suggest the crude and unthinkable - shut up. I'm not growing me a bush.

So, when I saw this video on DIY Movember nails, I knew I'd have to give them a go too.

All you need is a base colour nail polish, a black nail art pen, and a top coat.


Step 1: use a pale pink (or any colour, really) for your base colour. I chose a very pale pink to make the moustaches really stand out.


Step 2: Using a nail art pen (you can't do this without one..) mark out the shape of the moustache. You need two large black circles in the middle. Then two smaller dots either side of the bigger circles which will mark out where the tips of the moustache will go. Then join them up. 


Note: make your moustaches relatively small and then fill them out to create your perfect moustache shape.


Step 3: leave to dry (essential), cover in a clear top coat, and away you go!

Now everyone can enjoy Movember :-)

Monday, 7 November 2011

have you seen this yet? The Little Rooster!

We've all been wrenched from perfect slumber by incessant alarm clocks.
We've all wished for a better way to be roused from sleep.
We've all dreamt of a wake-up call that doesn't make us loathe mornings.

Well, ladies, our prayers have been answered because the Little Rooster alarm clock has arrived.


It's an alarm clock that wakes you with pleasure. It won't jerk you into consciousness, no, it'll gently rouse you from sleep. Slowly. Tenderly. Sensually. Helping you to savour that delicious semi-conscious moment before having to get up. And it might even get you in the mood for something other than breakfast.

How does it work?

Well, you simply slip the little device inside your knickers and rest it on your pubic mound with the vibrating bit curving down onto your clit and labia.

[I'm a little sceptical about it staying in place, but they assure you that it doesn't become misplaced no matter how much you move about in your sleep.]

You personalise your wake-up call to suit your *ahem* needs, by customising how gently it begins, the maximum intensity, how long it lasts for (that'll be all morning then?), etc.


It has 27 silent power levels, three "turbo" settings, dual motors, and a 'play' setting which transforms it from alarm clock mode to versatile-two-motor-sex-toy mode.

And because the Little Rooster is silent, it won't wake anyone else up, which means there will be no more moaning from your partner to shut-that-fucking-alarm-clock-up.

I think it's utterly perfect.

No more alarm bells blasting you into consciousness. No more irritating radio DJs. No more loathsome Monday mornings. With the Little Rooster, no one will blame you for hitting that snooze button over and over and over and over again.

***Normally the Little Rooster costs £69, but for a limited time only you can get yours for £49 with the special code 'snorgasm'***

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

shopping with my Nanna..

I took my 78 year old Nanna shopping today.

Have you ever been shopping with a OAP? They come out with some funny things. Both hilarious and soul-destroying. Here are just a few examples:

#1 I'm talking to an attractive male shop assistant in Gap. Nanna points at a pair of maternity trousers and says to us: 'don't get any ideas'

#2 I try on a burgundy chunky knit cardi. Nanna looks me up, down, says: 'have you shrunk?' and walks away..

#3 A nice male shop assistant is talking to Nanna whilst I browse in Office. We step two paces away from him and she declares: 'gay!'. When I reprimanded her she said: 'No, I like Gays.. they're very colourful.'

#4 I try on an oversized chunky knit jumper. Her: 'you look a bit like a Gay...' Me: 'colourful Gay?' She shakes head solemnly... Her: 'no, miserable Gay.'

#5 Her: why haven't you got any make-up on?' Me: 'you're my Nanna, aren't you supposed to think I look pretty no matter what?' Her: 'no'

#6 Me: 'Oh, this perfume's nice, try it..' *goes to spray it* Her: 'No darling, *holds her hand in my face* I'm already wearing Givenchy'

#7 Looking at underwear in M&S, I say: 'ooh this is pretty'. She says (scathingly): 'it's all right for Marbella..'

#8 After my M&S bra fitting... Her: 'that didn't take long' *looks at my chest* 'well, I don't suppose it would..'

#9 Me: 'why do you need two different pairs of slippers?' *looks at me incredulously* Her: 'So. I. Can. Co-ordinate.'

#10 Me: 'should we get something to eat?' Her: *sings* 'this little piggy went to market'

#11 Me: 'let's go home, I'm cream crackered, Gromit.' Her: 'you look it...'

There. I hope you enjoyed my Nanna's unique sense of humour. I certainly did not.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

DIY scrabble rings

I've wanted a Scrabble ring for ruddy ages now, but every time I see them I think to myself: '£3.99? I could make them for so much cheaper than that.'

So I have.

And here's how you can too:


1) Buy some cheap Scrabble sets. I found mine in charity shops (for £2) and at car boot sales (25p).

As you can see, these are all different colours, so if you're planning on making words out of your Scrabble rings then make sure you're wearing all the same colour.

2) Buy some adjustable rings. I bought mine from Topping Crafts on eBay because they were the cheapest at £5.76 and had free delivery (all the way from Hong Kong-a-tron).


3) Get some good glue.

I've used UHU contact adhesive because it's designed especially for glass and fibre, which works perfectly with the glossy surface of the Scrabble tiles.


4) Lay newspaper (or whatever) down, and get gluing!

It's really that simple.


I was excited about having a ring with my name on it (finally!).. But having too many rings on looks a tad ridiculous. So I soon discovered that three-letter "words" look the best.



It was so simple that I was inspired to try out some other ideas. And I found some mis-matched domino pieces in my favourite British Red Cross for only £1...




A few people have asked me if I'd like to sell them.

And I would.

But I know how cheap they are to make and how annoyingly expensive they are so I'll sell them for only £1.50. If you'd like to buy a Scrabble or Domino ring then please email me at: sexshoppingandchocolate@hotmail.co.uk..

Or if not, I hope you enjoyed this tutorial and have made your own!

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

LOOK Lounge at Westfield Stratford

It's hot. Our mouths are dry. And I'm rocking from side to side in rhythmn with the small electric fan.

No, I'm not on holiday. I'm not in some sweaty foreign country.

I'm in the fabulous LOOK magazine Lounge at Westfield Stratford.


The shopping centre has only been open a mere nine hours, but it's heaving. Full of people rushing around with shopping bags/prams/families. But here we are, sat in the calm (albeit hot) LOOK magazine Lounge, like our own mini mirage. A piece of quiet calm surrounded by sartorial chaos.

But over the next few days this bright and colourful paradise will too become chaotic and energised. There will be a whole host of fabulous events, including free hair styling and manicures, talks with the LOOK team, and Q&A sessions with bloggers such as Catwalk Queen and Mademoiselle Robot.


Intrigued? Here's the full programme:

Tuesday 13 September


10am-8pm Access for bloggers only

Wednesday 14 September

12-8pm Pampering beauty treatments by Filthy Gorgeous
2.30-3.30pm Q&A session with fashion blogger, Mademoiselle Robot

Thursday 15 September

12-2pm Hair styling by Toni & Guy
2-3pm Q&A session with fashion blogger, Coco's Tea Party
4-5pm Q&A session with fashion blogger, Style Clone
6-7pm Q&A session with fashion blogger, Catwalk Queen

Friday 16 September


12-8pm Fabulous manicures by Nail Inc

Saturday 17 September


12-8pm Access for bloggers only

Sunday 18 September

12-5pm Hair styling by Cloud 9

Monday 19 September

1-2pm Talk and Q&A session with Look's Beauty Editor, Sophie Beresiner on her beauty blog for Look Good, Feel Better
3-4pm Autumn Winter trend talk with Look's Fashion Director Hannah Hughes
4.30-5.30pm Autumn Winter trend talk with Look's Fashion Director Hannah Hughes
6-7pm Q&A session with fashion blogger, Catwalk Queen

It's going to be super popular, so make sure you book yourself a session - just pop in to make your appointment or email looklounge@ipcmedia.com.


Right, now I'm off for a frozen smoothie...



Friday, 5 August 2011

DIY dalmatian print nails

Just call me Miss De Vil, because Cruella and I have something in common - we're both loving dalmatian print right now. Particularly with A/W 2011 featuring a lot of dalmations, from Topshop Unique to Sonia Rykiel.

So when I was flicking through my August edition of Vogue I was inspired to try out dalmatian print nails, a la Sophy Robson for the Topshop Unique A/W show. It's really easy, so if you'd like to have a go too, then here's what I used:


All you need is a white nail polish, black nail art pen and a top coat.


Apply the white nail polish. I had to apply four coats to get a really nice solid white base.


And then comes the fun part - put loads of different size blobs all over your nails! They look more realistic when they're all different sizes. If you don't have a nail art pen, then just just a black nail polish and splodge it around, trying to make circles.


Now, I have to admit, mine do look more like cow print or a speckled duck egg. But it's an acceptable effort for my first attempt.

So, will you be trying out dalmatian print nails? I predict that it's gonna be a big trend in Autumn/Winter!

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Review: Rebel Nail wraps

I'm a sucker for cute nails. But I can't be arsed with undercoats, three layers of polish, over coat, diamant├ęs, nail art pens, and then the excruciating hours of waiting for it all to dry. I've tried those quick dry polishes, I've tried those top coat fast-drying sprays. They. do. not. work.

So, when I was sent some Nail Rock samples, I was converted. Never have I loved doing my nails so much. They're easy to apply, great designs, much quicker, and much more fun than watching paint dry. Literally.

Nothing could top Nail Rock. Or could it? Well, even I was wrong ladies and gents. Nail Rock has been topped/trumped/ousted/dumped.


I'm talking specifically about the product, of course. Nail Rock has a lot going for it, the photographs are miles better (the Rebel Nail images are not even real photos.. they're just ghastly), for the most part they're cheaper (which is a significant factor.. £6.65 v £7.99. However, some Rebel Nail designs are only £5.99), the designs are on-trend, and the website is much easier to navigate and more stylish.

But the actual nail wraps and all associated products by Rebel Nails are better. Here are four reasons why:



1) Rebel Nails offer additional products to help you to apply their nail wraps.. I was given the hoof stick (only £1.50), and Rebel Nail file. The nail file is simply amazing and only £1.50. When I've applied nail wraps before, I've tried out three different nail files (two crystal and one ordinary), and all have torn the wrap slightly without creating a truly flush and smooth finish.

But the Rebel Nail file is developed specifically for nail wraps, with a rough side (to file off the excess) and a smooth side (to finish off). But trust me, whichever nail wrap brand you choose to go for, the Rebel Nail file is a must.


2) Rebel Nails have even more designs than Nail Rock. Admittedly, not all of them are nice, but many of them are.. and there are tons to choose from so you're bound to see one you like.. I chose these neon yellow because I was feeling bold, and my nails aren't very long at the moment (I'm still kicking the filthy nail-biting habit..) so I didn't want to waste a gorgeous patterned design on my stumpy nails...



3) Each pack of Rebel Nails come with a see-through guide, so you can see which nail wrap will fit your nail exactly.. When I've been applying other nail wraps, there have been a few times when the wrap hasn't fully covered my nail bed because I've just guessed which is the best. From a distance, it's not too much of an issue, but if you're sat at a desk all day like I am, you tend to notice these things...


4) But the best thing about Rebel Nail wraps is that they're thinner than any others I've tried. Which means they react quicker and more effectively to the heat (so they are more secure), and they don't peel. I'll say it again. They don't peeeeeel. And if they aren't lifting up at the edges then you're more likely to resist the urge to peeeeel them off yourself... Meaning they'll last much longer!


So, here are the finished results... what do you reckon? It's a much smoother finish than nail polish and it takes less time than waiting around for layers of varnish to dry! So, have you tried nail wraps? Which are your favourite brands and designs? If you'd like to try out my crazy neon yellow nails, then get yours for only £5.99..

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

bridesmaids, bloggers and bodean's

What do you get when you make 12 female bloggers watch a hilarious new female comedy?

A shit load of laughs is what.

Fellow blogger, Poppy D asked a bunch of us to mosey on down to Universal HQ (I know, right?!) for a special preview screening of the new hit comedy Bridesmaids. And naturally, we were all tres excited.. There was me, ElizaAmy, Nat, Mel, Olivia, Jenny, Ruth, Lorraine, Alexandra, Gemma and of course, Poppy.


The film was ruddy brilliant. I laughed so hard I could've peed myself had it not been for my impressive bladder of steel. But there's been a serious amount of hype surrounding this film, and for me it was touch and go as to whether or not it would be a super let down or exceedingly good (Mr.Kipling style).

It was the latter.

Unlike every other chick flick and rom-com out there, Bridesmaids is crass, clever, witty, blunt and sarcastic. It had cringe, it had slapstick, it was desperately honest. It's expertly written, hilariously composed, and perfectly acted (Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph are simply outstanding).

Intrigued? Here's the plot (no spoilers!):

Annie (Kristen Wiig) is the maid of (dis)honour to childhood best friend Lillian (Maya Rudolph), and a group of "colourful" bridesmaids. The film follows Annie's attempts to bluff her way through the wedding, whilst being constantly upstaged by Lillian's new best friend, Helen (Rose Byrne), who happens to be stunning, effortlessly chic, sophisticated and successful. Everything that Annie's not. And thus, hilarity ensues (my favourite scene is the bridal shower...)


But that's all I'm gonna tell you, because the film comes out tomorrow, and you must go and see it. I reiterate: it's bloody brilliant.

So after the film, we walked around for approximately five hours and ended up in Bodean's BBQ, where we ate, drank and chatted about hickory sauce, policemen and bridesmaids. And after you've seen Bridesmaids - you'll want nothing more than to hang out with your girlfriends too..

Sunday, 5 June 2011

DIY newspaper nails


After a night out with friends I had an epiphany, involving a glass of vino and an attempt to make a newspaper hat. After knocking over the wine and mopping it up with the newspaper, I noticed some of the text had imprinted on my nails.




So I decided to replicate the happy accident this afternoon. I used a copy of Stylist (but you could use any print material as long as the page hasn't been treated, ie no glossy magazines), Fing'rs white nail polish, Sally Hansen Mega Shine and a mini bottle of vodka (I had no vino).



After using Sally Hansen Hard as Nails, I applied about four coats of Fing'rs white nail polish.



I then soaked sections of the Stylist magazine in the vodka (but you can use any type of alcohol I'm sure), and pressed them face down on my nails. I kept pushing down, making sure the entire nail is covered until it began to dry. But don't leave it too long because otherwise the paper starts to stick to the nail (but it has inspired me to make collage nails..). I also arranged the text at all angles to make it look a bit funkier.



And here's the end result! My very own attempt at nail decals. In these photos I still hadn't removed all the excess nail polish from the skin around my nails, so ignore the mess.




I think they look cute, what do you reckon? They're super cheap to do, and it's a great way to recycle your old newspapers..

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

sexidents

So, MTV have created a safe sex ad campaign...wait, what? With all those pimps and hoes, droppin' it like it's hot, getting nasty, shaking their junk, on our telly box? You wouldn't normally associate MTV and safe sex, in fact, I'd say drunken promiscuity with rappers is more their bag, baby.

I actually get quite distressed about my own body image whilst watching MTV, what with all the oiled up, big-bootied, tiny-waisted, long-haired, sex ba bombs in music videos. But with their latest 'sex is no accident, use a condom' campaign', it seems MTV are trying to reinvent themselves (mildly) to focus on more pressing issues than how extravagant is your crib, or how many hoes you can fit into a three minute music video...

Regardless of the motive, they're pretty damn funny. If this happened in real life, I'm sure people would enjoy falling over in public more. Brought to you by Grey advertising, here are life's little sexidents: