Wednesday, 26 October 2011

shopping with my Nanna..

I took my 78 year old Nanna shopping today.

Have you ever been shopping with a OAP? They come out with some funny things. Both hilarious and soul-destroying. Here are just a few examples:

#1 I'm talking to an attractive male shop assistant in Gap. Nanna points at a pair of maternity trousers and says to us: 'don't get any ideas'

#2 I try on a burgundy chunky knit cardi. Nanna looks me up, down, says: 'have you shrunk?' and walks away..

#3 A nice male shop assistant is talking to Nanna whilst I browse in Office. We step two paces away from him and she declares: 'gay!'. When I reprimanded her she said: 'No, I like Gays.. they're very colourful.'

#4 I try on an oversized chunky knit jumper. Her: 'you look a bit like a Gay...' Me: 'colourful Gay?' She shakes head solemnly... Her: 'no, miserable Gay.'

#5 Her: why haven't you got any make-up on?' Me: 'you're my Nanna, aren't you supposed to think I look pretty no matter what?' Her: 'no'

#6 Me: 'Oh, this perfume's nice, try it..' *goes to spray it* Her: 'No darling, *holds her hand in my face* I'm already wearing Givenchy'

#7 Looking at underwear in M&S, I say: 'ooh this is pretty'. She says (scathingly): 'it's all right for Marbella..'

#8 After my M&S bra fitting... Her: 'that didn't take long' *looks at my chest* 'well, I don't suppose it would..'

#9 Me: 'why do you need two different pairs of slippers?' *looks at me incredulously* Her: 'So. I. Can. Co-ordinate.'

#10 Me: 'should we get something to eat?' Her: *sings* 'this little piggy went to market'

#11 Me: 'let's go home, I'm cream crackered, Gromit.' Her: 'you look it...'

There. I hope you enjoyed my Nanna's unique sense of humour. I certainly did not.