Thursday, 8 March 2012

Juicy Couture Loves Fifi

I'm poorly today... so I'll give you few words, but lotsa pictures from the Juicy Couture and Fifi Lapin Masquerade party. Twas an awesome night - cake pops, masks, champagne, music, bloggers, Gin Collinssses, Juicy Couture and Fifi Lapin....


Me (obvz), ZoZo (London Lipgloss DUH), Emma (Milkteef) and Lily Pebbles, with our cute Fifi masks...


Cute Juicy and Fifi thingy-ma-bobzz


We had TOO much fun with the wind machine....


Hello Miss, why you so quiet?


Fifi/Juicy accessories!


Cuppaaacakes


Hanging out with some beauties - no biggie.


Trying to look sexual with a bunny cake pop and failing...


Houndstooth wars with the gorgeous Abisola!

For some reason (Gin Collinsessss), I have no pics of me and the beautiful Marin Daley-Hawkins, who I hung out with after the event (FYI, she's solely responsible for my illness - her and that funky underground bar with the fruit cocktails...)


After that thoroughly coherent post, I'm going back to bed to feel sorry for myself *cough splutter*

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

wotwentwrong.com

Ever wanted to know what went wrong with your relationship but were too scared to ask?

Well now you can find out, with the help of wotwentwrong.com.

AKA whattaloadabullshit.com

The site's main tag line is: 'We help people to find out why their relationship ended', which basically translates to 'we help clingy/needy/passive-aggressive/incommunicable individuals to ask desperate, soul-searching, ego-crushing questions that they don't really want answers to.'

OK, that *might* a bit harsh but the site is basically a middle man for people to ask 'why don't you like me?' or for people to tell you 'hey, this is why I don't like you'. All beneath the thinly-veiled disguise of "constructive criticism".



Now, I'm all for honesty and openness, but I find it hard to believe that this site will be used as it was (supposedly) intended.

Not only will the site be abused in order to hurl negativity at that fucker who never called you back, but the site seems to be counter intuitive to its concept. It claims to help users become more open with their exes, but in reality, it just allows you to hide behind the internet.

Are we really that clueless? Aren't we asking these questions throughout our relationships? Are we really left wondering wotwentwrong?

How it works:


You can either sign up and offer feedback, or sign up and request feedback...

To send unsolicited feedback:


That's right, you can send unsolicited feedback (aka feedback you didn't even blaaaddy ask for). You can choose from a whole array of ego-crushing templates, ranging from 'you're bad in bed' to 'you don't earn enough money for the lifestyle that I want':


Fill it out and hit send.

Meanwhile, Duncan in Accounts is sitting cluelessly at his desk, minding his own business. He's forgotten all about your two-week lustful "relationship" and he ain't McBovvvered.

And then your email (via wotwentwrong) plops into his inbox.



To request feedback:


You can also request feedback from past lovers to gain "constructive criticism", in the hopes of "moving on" and better informing your future love life.

Once again, wotwentwrong.com has boshed out many a cringe-inducing template. Here's my favourite, entitled 'Flippant' (which is anything but):



Other favourite templates include:

- Cool "so it's a bummer things didn't work out between us"
- Philosophical "Benjamin Franklin once said, "An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest""
- Confused "I must admit I'm a bit confused! All the signals I got indicated that things were going well with us, but then our communication stopped."
Once you've chosen the most applicable template hit send.

In my opinion, honesty and openness are key to any relationship. But do we really need a website to facilitate that? We should be asking/answering these questions throughout our relationships - not after, when nothing can be done about it. And y'know what? Then you won't even need wotwentwrong.com

What do you reckon? Would you use this site? What you provide/request feedback?


Monday, 5 March 2012

porn idol at G-A-Y

Porn Idol has been made infamous to me, thanks to my gay friend, Duncan. He'd been banging on about it for months. Quote: "It's totes amaze, you should come" And come I did (BOOM! pun number 1)

So last week we drunkenly stumbled to Heaven for about 1am (on a Thursday night - I'm so rock and or roll) for the first heat of Porn Idol of 2012.


"Celebrity" judge Gemma Collins from TOWIE came on stage (it's pun central) alongside some other peeps I didn't know. Then there came the contestants - a succession of skinny gay guys, one fit gay guy, a big-breasted brunette, and an overweight Scottish bloke (complete with sporran).

Each contestant stripped off, swung their boxers/knickers/bra around their heads, strutted their stuff, shook their bits, windmilled their willies, tweaked their nips, licked their lips, sucked their fingers, ruffled their hair...

And all in the name of a £1,000 final prize.

After each contestant had had their three and a half minutes of fame, the compère announced there was enough time for an impromptu audience member to join in. Suddenly there were calls and waves from a shy-looking, unassuming, bespectacled, brunette, in a demure black dress: 'I'll do it!"

With that, she wriggled out of her undies (much to my gay friend's horror) and crawled her way onto the stage so.we.could.see.everything. The music blasted on and she launched into a spontaneous routine where she unzipped her dress, threw it in a security guard's face, unclipped her bra, played with her breasts, danced around on-stage, threw herself to the floor, writhed, dry-humped, thrusted, and... masturbated.

Yup. She fingered herself in front of hundreds of screaming onlookers.

And I was one of them. In fact, I'm still hoarse.

Unfortunately, Speccy Betty (yes, that's what I'm calling her) didn't win. She woz robbed. Gemma Collins decided to give the £100 first heat reward to one of the skinny gay guys in boxers so tight I'm surprised he had any bollies left - much to the audiences' dismay.

But Dunc was right (for once) it was totes amaze. I'll be going back next week. Look out for me, I won't be competing, but I will be carrying a pack of Strepsils and a camera.