Sunday, 29 April 2012

Lush vs animal testing

To coincide with World Day for Laboratory Animals this week, Lush Cosmetics transformed their Regent's Street store window into a laboratory. Inside the "lab", performance artist Jacqueline Traide, was subjected to procedures that lab animals suffer from, all in the name of human beauty.

She had a rope tied around her neck and clamps to hold her mouth open. She was injected, force-fed and had her head shaved. Unknown lotions were smothered over her skin, poured in her mouth, or dripped in her eyes. The 10 hour performance culminated in the the lifeless body of the actress being carried out to the street, and dumped with the rubbish.

It was shocking, but completely brilliant, and here's why:

Animal testing is a contentious issue, but we don't really know much about it. We know it's wrong (and for the most part - completely unnecessary) but we don't delve too deeply into the topic, because we're scared of what we might find.

Does my favourite brand test on Beagles? Will I have to boycott all P&G products? Could I really live without my preferred concealer?

Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

I've seen a lot of consumers and bloggers shocked and appalled by the Lush stunt. They've accused it of using rape or sexual abuse as a gimmick [you can read an excellent response to that here]. They've denounced the stunt as unnecessarily vile. They've even said it has nothing to do with us as consumers.

Do you know why? Because the blissfully ignorant bubble has been burst. We've become desensitised to animal testing - we don't want to think about it, so we don't.

But the Lush stunt has reminded us what goes on beneath the beautiful layers of the cosmetics industry: discomfort, agony, misery. It's made us think about the pain and distress that companies inflict on lab animals, all because millions of us want, want, WANT pretty little cosmetics to make our faces lovely and wonderful.

So don't dismiss this publicity stunt as disgusting, disgraceful, vile, unnecessary. Save those adjectives and your horror for the real issue at hand - animal cruelty - and let's do something about it.

Sign the petition or find out more - just click here. 

Thursday, 26 April 2012


Last night, I went to another fantastic event hosted by Sh! Women's Store. This time, we were gathered at their Old Street store for a spanking class.

That's right, spanking.

[casual dildo shrine]

You're probably thinking: how hard is it to spank someone? Well, it's an art, actually, and there are tons of different types of spankers (you bladddy know-it-alls).

There are: paddles, multi-tailed whips, classic tawses, double-split tawses, bull whips, floggers, single-tailed whips, two-tailed whips, rubber whips, canes, and crops.

[a spankers heaven]

You can use them for teasing, tapping, brushing, tickling, smacking, or swatting. There are different methods of spanking, from downwards strokes to side-swipes - all depending on the instrument and desired outcome.

And each delivers different sensations, sounds, and results.

For example...

A Heart Spanker is a slightly floppy leather paddle which requires a hard downward smack. The studs leave a delicious sting, and the contrasting fluffy side is excellent for increasing sensitivity and arousal once stroked across a sore bum..

[up Shit Creek without a paddle...]

A Crop, on the other hand, delivers a much more intense experience. You have to hold it correctly so that you don't hurt yourself when it rebounds, and must always use a swift flick of the wrist and fingers (not a full-blown golf swing, you sadist). You can also tap your partner lightly with the crop, across both cheeks, building up to a much more intense smack/finale.

We were allowed to play with the spankers ourselves, but it's not a very good representation of the real thing. Trust is an important component when it comes to any kind of fetish, and having a stranger smack my butt with a riding crop is hardly the same (no, I'm not uploading those photos/videos). Pain tolerance also increases with arousal, so whilst I was able to handle an 8/10 on my personal pain scale - I'm sure I could cope with much more in an intimate situation.

[Sorry I can't pick up, I'm all tied up..]

Fetishes, spanking in particular, get a raw deal (pun alert). People assume they're for couples who've run out of ideas, or need to "spice up their sex lives" (puke). But that's wrong - spanking can be a fun and flirty way to play with your partner - it's exhilarating, different, and exciting.

So leave your judgment at the door, and try spanking for yourself!

Saturday, 21 April 2012

spit or swallow?

Argument for spitting

The average volume of each ejaculation is between one teaspoon and one tablespoon. That's about 300 million wriggly little sperm dudes and as a vegetarian I'm not quite sure where I should stand on that one.

Other than living tadpole things, sperm contains water, glucose and fructose. Would Dr. Dukan approve? I think not. You can't play for Team Salad and discount all those extra-curricular calories.

Some guys taste bad. Fact.

Sperm burps are just not sexy. Fact.

Argument for swallowing

Giving head is all about attitude, if you don't love doing it then it'll reflect in your performance. Men are pretty proud of their penises, so spluttering out their Man Goodness is deemed offensive by some..

It's only 90 calories and full of protein (yum)

It's more gross to hock it all into a tissue. [Note to self, slam dunking a sperm-soiled tissue into the bin is also not well received]

Semen contains calcium and zinc, both of which prevent tooth decay! (yay)

A spit-kit is just not hot (a towel, a box of tissues, an empty cup, a sleeve)

If you spit it might go on the sheets and then you'll have to wash them, and dry them, and put them back on, and you're busy, and do you really have the time for that shit?!

Some guys taste good (if that's the case, definitely tell him)

Argument for freestyling

As shocking as it may seem, you don't necessarily have to choose between spit or swallow - there are other options (hurrah!). There are the porno favourites which include (but are by no means limited to), all over the face, hair, tits, tummy, feet, thighs, or butt.

Where do you stand on this very important debate? Do you spit or swallow? Would you be offended if your lady friend spat? Do only skanky gals swallow? PS My friend* once spat it back in the bloke's face.

*No, that's not code for "me", I really DO mean "friend".

Saturday, 7 April 2012

Sh! Erotic Emporium's 20th birthday party

When Faye (Girl Does Geek) asked me to be her plus one to the Sh! Women's Erotic Emporium's party to celebrate their 20th birthday I thought one thing and one thing only: HELLS TO THE YEAH.

Held at the gorgeous Cafe de Paris, there was pink champagne, burlesque/erotic performances, product demonstrations, and plenty of lovely, sexy people. I was pretty much in heaven.

As I'm literally about to miss a coach to Austria (SNOWBOMBING YAY), I'll leave you with a few photos:

But chains and whips excite me (nah, nah, nah, nah, nah come on)

Testing out those good vibrations...

Arousal/tingling pleasure gels and eau de SEX.

Ever the extrovert, I got stuck right in and volunteered for the rope bondage demonstration... 

Then I got dominated by Callum (Maketh-The-Man) Not gonna complain..

And the lovely Leigh Temple. Defs not gonna complain ;-)

We got the most incredible goody bag after the event - a Tenga Egg, silk bondage ties, cock rings, vibrators, lubes, arousal gels, etc, etc. Expect LOTS of saucy product reviews over the next few months.

Right, I'm off to Austria to go insane and maybe do some skiing.

Cheerio lovelies! x

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Ann Summers In Control range

Today, I'm going to be talking about periods and tampons.

Great, now any male readers will have stopped reading, I can reveal my brilliant secret to tiny waists and bigger boobs. They'll never know it's all engineered *snigger*.

It's the Ann Summers' In Control range!

Let's be frank, I'm less than blessed in that department. So when I was invited to choose something new from Ann Summers' website, I couldn't resist the In Control range - lingerie that cinches you in at all the right places, and pumps up all your best bits.

This entire range is extremely clever and innovative - made with a special power mesh, it accentuates the contours of your body perfectly.

The Plunge Bra - 9/10 (£28)

This bra fits so well - it's comfortable and supportive without being too tight or fiddly anywhere. (Ladies, we've all been there, there's nothing better than removing ill-fitting lingerie after a long day, no matter how good it makes your tits look).

But the best part of the bra? It's ingenious, innovative inflatable bra pads. Yep, I said inflatable. You pump them up for full-on cleavage (and to increase your bust a whole cup size) or deflate them for a more subtle day-time look. They're so bloody clever, and I've never seen/heard of any bras with the same technology.

I've got loads of bras that promise a bigger bust and better cleavage, but this is the only one that has actually lived up to my high expectations.

(deflated and inflated)
The Briefs - 7/10 (£22)

Or as I like to call them, Tummy-Holding-In-Pants. And that's exactly what they do. The power mesh sucks you right in so you've got no belly or nuffink, and lifts your butt so it's firm, pert, and ready for action.

[Gross imagery alert!] The only thing I would say, is that I wish the briefs came up a bit higher - these go just above my waist so it means that there's a little bit of unattractive over-hang..

The Cami Suspenders - 8/10 (£55)

This cami sucks you in A WHOLE DRESS SIZE. Yep, the power mesh and the contour styling sucks you right in, streamlining your curves and banishing any lumps or bumps. It also has the brilliant inflatable booby-makers I mentioned earlier, so you get a slim-line figure and a bust that would make Jessica Rabbit herself jealous. There's also a very clever rubbery-jelly-like ribbon on the inside to prevent the bottom bit from rolling up when you walk.

Warning: The cami can be bloody fiddly to get into at first. I opted for the size 34, which was quite teeny, and it took me about two minutes to wriggle into it. But I did feel much more petite, so it's definitely worth the struggle!

I'd also say that this is a special occasion kind of cami - it's not something you can wear every day. But it is versatile - you can attach suspenders if you're feeling frisky, or remove the straps if you want to wear a strapless or bandeau dress.

There you go, your secret to a tiny waist, pert butt, and delicious boobs!