Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Beyoncé: sexiest album in WORLD

Everyone's freaking out over Beyoncé's surprise album.
Rightly so.

No plan. No promo. No warning. JUST BOOM.
She drops 14 songs and 17 videos of pure hotness.
On Friday 13th
On Taylor Swift's birthday
When Lorde drops a surprise single
Shitting all over Gaga's Art Pop embarrassment

It's official.
Beyoncé wins 2013.

Not only that, it's the sexiest goddamn album I've ever heard/seen.
Just listen to Blow and Yonce.

Just look at the lyrics from Blow.
Erection alert:

Keep me coming, keep me going
Keep me humming, keep me moaning
Make sure you clean that, it's the only way to get the flavour
Can you eat my skittles, it's the sweetest in the middle
Pink is the flavour
If you're thirsty, I'll give it up



Sunday, 1 December 2013

Shopping: Best Christmas presents. FACT.


Yes. Porn ornaments.
Buy them.
Your tree will thank you for it.
Your grandma will not.
I've gone and bought the entire range. 

For all you Scrooges

This is fast becoming a list of all the Christmassy crap I've bought myself recently.
Not me. That's for sure.

You will not find a better Christmas card range. FACT.

I wanna high-five the creator.
And then I wanna buy the ENTIRE RANGE. IMMEDIATELY.
There's one that has Santa on the front 'Shut up, slut', and inside: 'This year you get crabs'. GENIUS.
Buy them from etsy: £2.86 

It's all about ME

For the more self-indulgent (ie ME), try Harvey Nicholls Sorry, I spent it on myself range.
Because nothing says 'I love you' quite like tooth picks, rubber bands, and sink plugs.
Buy them here 

Pucker up and kiss my CROTCH, YEAH

Spread the love this Christmas

Monday, 25 November 2013

9 signs I need to stop going out as much

Sometimes, there's nothing better than some good, old self-reflection (no, I don't mean hanging over the toilet seat, staring at your puke-dribbling reflection in the toilet water). No. I mean self-reflection in the most positive way. So here are 9 signs that have helped me realise I should probably stop going out as much.

98% of photos on my phone are drunken selfies

Or instagram pictures that I protest are "supposed to be ironic, DUH"

90% less likely to wear a coat on a night out

£2 for the cloakroom?
A 45 minute wait?
I'll just snuggle up in my wine blanket, thanks.

75% of daily conversations begin, awkwardly, with "so, about last night.."

And usually, I don't want to know the answer.

60% of my texts are ones I REALLY shouldn't have sent

And are peppered with inappropriate emoticons

54% of people I meet are completely forgettable

20% of my time the next day is spent checking my bank balance, freaking out, and reporting fraud to Natwest

Turns out, fraud's virtually impossible when it's chip and pin.
Turns out, I just forgot the drunken 4am KFC I bought... For EVERYONE IN KFC.

8% of my body's covered with suspicious scrapes and bruises

5% of my wardrobe is stolen from other drunk people

Highlights include:
  • Stacks of sunglasses
  • Halloween/Christmas costume/props
  • hats nicked from people's actual heads
  • and Jaegerbomb flower garlands because you can really never have enough of those
0% self-awareness on a hangover

Clearly. Because I have no issues with going out in public dressed like THIS:

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Interview with a lover of chastity and orgasm denial

Here's the next interview with an anonymous fetishist. Everyone, meet Andy. Author of fantastic blog, Ruffled Sheets. And lover of chastity devices and orgasm denial. WHY am I interviewing people with fetishes? Because you (perverts) seem to ruddy LOVE them.

So what IS a chastity fetish?

It involves (at the very least) a person giving up some kind of control of their orgasms. From mild "tease & denial" (one person controls their partner’s orgasm, usually by speeding up & slowing down), to 24/7 control (someone’s locked in a secure device that prevents them from achieving orgasm). Their partner is called a "keyholder" and decides when they should be let out.

So what is it about chastity that turns you on?

Tough question. There are two aspects: The first is the power exchange between myself and my “key holder”. The second is the intense state of arousal I feel when I'm chaste.

Tell us more about those two aspects

I'm in control of everything else in my life – my own boss, with my own company. But, in secret, having that aspect of control taken away from me, or rather, giving that control to someone else is such a turn on.

Also, like most guys, my arousal resets to zero immediately after I orgasm. Back to square one. I intensely enjoy being turned on, so that can be disappointing. Of course, I always enjoy reaching orgasm, but do I really want to sacrifice my arousal for just a few seconds of (albeit amazing) pleasure? Often, I don't.

Like most guys, the only way for me to stay aroused is not to orgasm. I didn't know this when I started experimenting with chastity, but there's a level of arousal that can only be achieved by abstaining from orgasm for a few weeks. I love it!

(Yep. This is a pic of Andy. Yep. I know. Be cool.)

How did your fetish begin?

Enjoying being teased. It just progressed from there. Since I first began masturbating I used to bring myself to the brink of orgasm again and again, a practice I now know is called "edging". I then started fantasising about someone else “edging” me, not being allowed to orgasm – but it was always a fantasy. I would always orgasm when masturbating.

Years later, I looked online to see if others had a similar fetish. I found teasing erotica, low-end porn, and a few chastity websites. It introduced me to chastity devices and I began fantasising about being locked in one myself.

It was all a fantasy though, until out of the blue, when my partner was giving me a handjob, just when I was about to orgasm, she stopped then slowed right down. It was like an epiphany! It felt amazing. She did it a few times before she eventually made me orgasm and it blew my mind. I was unable to think or concentrate on anything. It felt like my head was about to explode. By that point I knew my interests were more than just fantasy.

She then challenged me to see how long I could abstain from orgasm. We agreed a week, but I tried as long as I could – I ended up going for five weeks! It only ended because we started fooling around and neither of us could stop.

Soon after, I ordered my first chastity device (The Curve) and we gave it a try. I wore it for a few hours at first. But then I got used to it and could wear it for days before needing to take it off and clean.

How did it feel, putting it on for the first time?

Strange. It’s an alien feeling to be prevented from achieving a full erection. When it arrived, I was so excited, I tried to put it on right away. But I was so turned on that it wouldn't actually fit! When I was eventually calm enough to put it on, I did so and tried to carry on with things as normal. Urinating was strange – sitting down, easier. Walking around was fine. Laying on my front was awkward, but on my side or back was fine. Night-time erections would wake me up all the time, but they’d subside, and I was more than prepared to put up with a little short-term discomfort to fulfil my fantasy.

So when did the chastity properly begin for the first time?

During that time I had a spare key on me – it was my first time, I didn’t know if I had the right size or if it would do any damage.

But when I was happy and handed over all the keys, it was such a rush. I was so turned on but couldn’t do anything about it. I had no idea when I would be let out again or when my next orgasm would be. It was thrilling. After a couple of weeks wearing the device (except for a couple of times I was allowed to unlock to clean), my partner unlocked me and gave me an orgasm. It was so intense and so amazing.

So your partner happily indulges your fetish?
Yes, she does. She's not into it as much as I am, but we both have a lot of fun with it. We both have different turn-ons, like most couples, so we both do what we can to fulfil each other's desires.

Have you ever had a partner who wouldn’t explore chastity?

I can't answer this question. I've been with the same girl for over 10 years now. I discovered chastity early in our relationship, so she's the only one I've ever done this with.

Do you and your partner both use these devices, or just you?
Just me! She'd never wear anything like that, I'm sure!

What's your favourite device and why?

Most comfortable is the Bon4L – it’s silicone. It moulds to my body. Perfect for everyday activities and being active. The downside is that it's very enclosed (it needs to be, silicone isn't as strong as other materials) and needs to be taken off to clean more often than other devices.

I have a couple of steel ones. But my perfect device would be custom made from steel, or maybe titanium. There are a few companies, such as Steel Werks Extreme. They can cost thousands but I’m sure I’ll invest at some point. 

(Andy's Birdcage chastity device complete with stunt willy)

What's your greatest fantasy involving chastity?

Unfortunately, it’s not one I could ever act it out. I've fantasised about being a teenager, a virgin again, locked in a device by a teasing girlfriend who wanted to control my orgasms and not let me have sex with her. Being so young and sexually charged, but in a device is a huge turn on. Obviously, I'm no longer a virgin, but it's a nice fantasy!

OK, what about a fantasy that you could achieve?

Having my penis pierced and it being incorporated into a chastity device. Lots of devices have the Prince Albert attachment – it prevents the wearer from pulling out. Being so securely locked-in is a big turn on!

Ever felt weird about your fetish?

Oh, all the time. Abstaining from orgasm is paradoxical. So that has to be a little weird, right? Locking a steel device onto my penis to prevent erection? Very weird. But it doesn’t make me feel bad – if I had low confidence then maybe it would. But I’m quite alright not being average, and I’ve never wanted a mediocre sex life.

Can you recommend any useful websites for people interested in chastity?
I haven't been there for a while, but I remember a resource called - it's all about chastity in general and "tease & denial". I haven't been there for years now, but there used to be a great forum with a really helpful community of people - they'd share links and such.

Finally, are you wearing anything right now...?

I'm actually, currently reviewing a chrome-look CB-6000 for a new online store, so it's a good time to ask that question! Not sure when I'll be let out (other than for cleaning). But I feel great! It's a very tight fit, but surprisingly comfortable. I was able to sleep through the night almost immediately, which is rare. Normally it takes a week or so to acclimatise to a new device.

(The CB-6000 chastity device and a fucking cool-looking coffee)

Got a question for Andy? Add it in the comments below!
Check out Ruffled Sheets or follow him on Twitter. Seriously. He's lush. Do it.

Sunday, 17 November 2013

porn women v real women


Porn Woman: "Yeah, I love it when you spit on my pussy - feels great. Like you really respect me. And it just drives me WILD when you go down on me with a pointy tongue and dry fingers. Now let's give up on the foreplay pretence, just jack hammer the fuck out of me. That's what I'm here for anyway. I'll just lie here and writhe/moan forcibly."

Real Woman: "Let's make-out for, like, 10-12 minutes. Or until I'm sufficiently lubricated. Kiss me slowly, deeply (too much tongue!), that's right - nibble my ear, kiss down my neck, keep going down, DON'T FORGET MY NIPPLES, yep, just shut up and keep going 'til I can't control it and throw myself on top of you"


Porn Woman: "Wow, a 10-inch cock. That's all I ever dream of. AND MORE"


Talking dirty

Porn Woman: "I love it when you call me a "slut" and "whore". Who's my daddy? YOU'RE MY DADDY AND NO I DON'T FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE OR WEIRDED OUT BY THAT AT ALL"

Real Woman: "That's good, whisper some sexy stuff in my ear. Actually just shut up, you're weirding me out"

Giving head

Porn Woman: "This is my all-time favourite activity. Especially love it when you grab my hair/head and try to force it in further. Oops, sorry, GAG REFLEX hahah! Mmm yum, I really wouldn't rather be anywhere else right now - not even eating chocolate or playing with puppies!"

Real Woman: "He seems to be enjoying this. GET THE FUCK OFF MY HAIR. Not too deep or I'll puke. I'll puke all over that dick. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? Should I do something with the balls? Or rub that gooch bit?"


Porn Woman: "I've never tasted anything so good! I wish they bottled it and sold it at Wholefoods!"

Real Woman: "I had a bad experience once. I'm allergic. I hear it's fattening. Full of calories. I just put new sheets. You come too much. You don't taste very nice. DON'T GET ANY IN MY HAIR"

Anal sex

Porn Woman: "Harder! Faster! Until you could open me wide enough to house a family of badgers!"

Real Woman: "Do I really want to do this? What have I got myself into? Oh, this isn't so bad. Wait. I'm pooping. Am I pooping? ABORT, ABORT."

The finale

Porn Woman: "OK, he's finished. I'm too raw to feel anything down there. Doesn't matter anyway because he's rolled off me now. What. I was ready to give my greatest fake orgasm performance. Now the world will never know how loudly I can scream"

Real Woman: "Has he come? I'm almost there, *unattractive spasm*, keep doing that, don't stop, keep going, *pulls weird face, probably*, so close, almost there, yes, almost, *goes rigid*, here it comes, Fuccck yeee*SPASM, TOES SEIZE UP, DEAD LEG, COLLAPSE*eeees

Now, get me some water/food/Eastenders and let's spoon"

Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Review: Wonderbra Glamour Dot set

Wonderbra's gone and done it again. They've gone and endowed us little-boobied-ladies with some badonkadonkDONK.

I've been lucky enough to try out their LUSH new Glamour Dot set. I chose it because it's feminine, sexy, a little bit vintage/kitsch, and I don't have any high waisted pants in my knicker drawer.

It's so hard to find a set you truly love - either the knickers make your butt look perfect but the matching bra gives you cone boob. Or vice versa. This set, however, fits me really well and I feel super confident in it (if you're like me, lingerie shopping strikes fear into your self-esteem..)

The bra (£25) is a balconette style, so it really pushes you right up and gives you a seriously sexy cleavage.

The knickers (£12) are high-waisted (obvz). I was worried they'd dig-in around my waist squidge, or make my butt look bulbous. NEVER FEAR. They're seriously flattering. So flattering, in fact, that I genuinely considered posting a pic of myself in the set. But then remembered I'm not Nikki Minaj.

I chose the 34B and the size 10 briefs

Monday, 21 October 2013

Event: Ministry of Waxing: New Islington salon and Coconut wax launch party

Last week, I attended the Ministry of Waxing's Islington salon launch party.

Getting your punani pruned never used to be a pleasant experience. Then I discovered MOW and I'll never go back to the old beauty salon days. No more naff music, plastic orchids, Phoebe-from-Friends-lowered-voice, or posters of flawless women everywhere.

MOW is cool. Really cool. The salons look/sound/feel more like a Shoreditch nightclub than a beauty salon (but obvz more hygienic and with fewer hipsters). And the new salon didn't disappoint. It looks like the inside of a fucking spaceship, the staff are as brilliant as ever, and the delicious smell of the new coconut wax fills the entire building.

Enjoying the coconut and pistachio cocktails WAY TOO MUCH

New salon yar

Adored the special gifts for all attendees - a hand soap handcrafted by MOW founder, Cynthia

Follow the London Waxperts on Twitter (they offer 24/7 post-wax advice, and I THINK you get 10% off your treatment if you book on social media)

And watch the launch party video to find out more about the salon and for our top first timer tips (also, I'm featured in it so that's pretty cool. For me. And my mum. My mum will be proud):

Monday, 14 October 2013

mmm Galaxy chocolate...

Yes, I am *actually*, really, finally, writing about chocolate! The much neglected topic of my blog is finally getting it's much-needed air-time. Yaaay!

I know, I know. But since I've had "losing weight" on my New Years Resolution list for, oh...y'know, 15 years, I did try to start taking that goal seriously.

And then bloody Galaxy go and launch two new utterly delicious, utterly diet-destroying flavours. Bastards.

I've never been a huge fan of Smooth Milk (WITCH, BURN HER!), but the new Nut Crunch and Honeycomb Crisp are the best thing since, I don't know, Ryan Gosling - NO I DON'T MEAN IT. But seriously, you will literally sell your mother to get one.

And rightly so.

The Honeycomb Crisp is delicious but chocolate is always better with nuts. FACT. And the Nut Crunch bar is honestly one of the nicest chocolate bars I've ever tried - when you first bite into it the chocolate is so soft and smooth, then the hazlenuts and almond pieces are kinda crystalized, and caramel-y, and just fucking brilliant.

Anyway, have you tried them yet? Why not. Do it. Your mouth with thank you. Your arse will not.

Monday, 16 September 2013

The woman who wants to shag 100,000 men

I'm all for sexual expression and freedom. I even love a good sex marathon. Who doesn't. But when your biggest goal in life is to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for shagging 100,000 men throughout the world, even I can't fight your corner.

But that's exactly what 21 year old, Ania Lewsiska, is planning to do. Undeterred by those pesky STDS, or the fact that there's not even a 'World Record in Shagging' to beat, Ania is soldiering on, and has already screwed 424 men. Wow. And only 99,576 to go. What a little trooper.

The global crusade began in her home-country, Poland, but she's now (tragically) making her way through the rest of the world. She's not a prozzy (believe it or not), so how the ex-graphic designer is managing to circumnavigate the globe in order to achieve her misguided ambition is anyone's guess.

Regardless, Ania has very kindly allocated 20 minutes per bloke. So, IF Ania manages to pull this off (without having to worry about y'know, eating, drinking, sleeping, or Vaginal Reconstruction Surgery), then she'll be done in about 33,000 hours - which is 1,375 days, or 3.8 years.

By then, of course, we'll all be bored of this "news story" and her saggy bat cave anyway.

GOOD LUCK, ANIA. But please don't come to the UK.

No seriously.


(Image from Vice)

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Interview with a pegging enthusiast

Here's my next interview with an anonymous fetishist. WHY am I interviewing people with fetishes? Because you (perverts) seem to ruddy LOVE them.

This time, I'm interviewing a bloke who loves pegging. "What's pegging" I hear you cry? Well, it's when a woman fucks a man with a strap-on dildo. Apparently, (although I do not currently have eye-witness verification) pegging can also be physically pleasurable for the woman due to the stimulation of the clitoris by the base of the dildo.

So, tell us about your fetish... 

I love being touched or penetrated anally - with a finger, a toy, or a strap-on. I love the feeling of it - the pressure of her fingers in my ass while we have sex is a huge turn-on and helps bring me to climax. I like a woman to dominate me in this way. I love to be fucked by women.

You say it's the domination aspect, do you like to be humiliated too?

No to humiliation, I just like a woman to take control.

Is your fetish only receiving anal, or do you like to give as well?

Yes, I enjoy giving anal as well..

When/what was your first experience exploring your fetish for anal play?

It only started when a woman I was dating put pressure on my asshole with her finger during foreplay. When I didn't back off or anything there was a bit of penetration. I loved it so much that I began masturbating with a toy in my ass. Soon after, I bought anal beads.

Is there a particular technique you enjoy?

Just slow, steady, and easy. I'm not into rough anal play. I love it when women ride me with a strap-on. Another great thing is when you're having regular sex and both people have a vibrating toy in their ass. The feeling is something that can't be described - it brings about the most powerful climax for both.

Image from Hetro Butt Boy (LOL)
Can you orgasm / achieve pleasure without pegging or anal play?

Yes, for sure. I don't like to do it every time I have sex or when I masturbate. I like variety.

What’s your greatest anal fantasy? Is there anything you haven't done yet? (eg fisting)

Not really. Fisting is a no-go. But I have started to have thoughts about having sex with a really good looking transvestite.

Do you think you will explore sex with a transvestite? Or will it remain a fantasy?

Probably not because of where I live - there aren't any around here, and I'm not going to travel just for that.

How do you speak to partners about pegging? Do they have a problem with it? 

Some yes and some no... But I'm not ashamed of it. I'm very open so when a relationship turns sexual I just tell her what I like. They either want to do it or they don't.

Do you have any tips for other men on how to broach this topic with a girlfriend/wife?

Just be open and honest right from the start. Sex is no good if both partners are not willing to do what it takes to pleasure each other.

Do you have any top tips for women in their technique of anal play?

Just be gentle. Start slow. Communicate. No one wants to get hurt!

Are there any good sites that you use? Share it with our budding anal fans!

I find good videos on Pornhub.

Image from Nympho 9

If YOU have a fetish and would like to be interviewed anonymously, then please email me at xx

Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Review: Agadir Argan Oil

I love Argan oil (aka Moroccan oil) - I need it. Because no matter how much conditioner I use - or how often I brush with my Tangleteezer - when I get out of the shower, I always look like a homeless woman who's been dragged backwards through an aggressive, thorny, hair-hating, bush.

There are tons of hair products out there, tons of Moroccan oils too. I've tried my fair share, but Agadir is the best I've found so far.

Unlike others I've tried, it's really thick (like honey), but goes on super smooth, and smells completely, fucking DIVINE.

I had a date the other day, he must've smelt my hair (YES, I'VE FOUND A REAL-LIFE MAN WHO DOES THIS NOT A FICTIONAL ROM-COM CHARACTER), because he told me that he liked my conditioner. I rather smugly replied that it's Moroccan oil, and like a real-life man he had no blaaady clue what I was banging on about.

The sample size I tried - which amazingly, lasted for three washes (buying a full bottle tomorrow)..

The type of knotty nightmare I have to deal with...

Looks like honey (or melted ear wax), but it's hair stuff, honest..

Knotty mess...

Lovely tresses - ahhh..

I picked my sample up at a press event, but I'll be buying the full-size bottle on Feel Unique.

Monday, 29 July 2013

denim knickers #fail

Don’t know about you, but I am SICK to death of seeing women in these skanky, unflattering denim pants.

I’m not talking about short shorts - the ones that flash a bit of cheeky butt cheek when walking up the tube escalators. No, I’m talking about the teeny tiny, iddy biddy, denim shorts which are actually more like underwear.

I simply don’t understand it. They are NOT flattering – almost every girl (who eats) has some cellulite, and there’s nowhere to hide in these tiny denim pants. They’re NOT comfortable – every single girl spends every single 5 seconds pulling them out of their hungry butt cracks. They’re NOT fashionable – looking like an oversized baby in a denim nappy is an epic fashion fail of Tulisa proportions.

But still, there's a denim pants parade this summer – they’re everywhere! I've seen them at Hideout, Wireless, Lovebox, Electric Daisy Carnival, Regent's Park, even down Pentonville road.

Don't get me wrong, I love butts - I cannot lie - but come on girls, lets leave a little to the imagination!

Photo courtesy of my bestie, Emily, who took this when we were at Hideout festival. When your PANTS are bigger than your SHORTS you know you have a problem.

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Why do guys name their dicks?

I write some pretty outrageous stuff on my blog, but I don't think about it too much, and off it goes on its trip to Internet Land, la la la la. The only rule I do have is: NEVER mention other people - boyfriends/girllfriends past, present, and future - no matter how minor.

Until NOW.

I just can't quite keep this little nugget to myself: I recently dated a guy who referred to his penis as - brace yourselves - the "worm".

It took 'getting down and dirty' to a whole new level.

Needless to say, it was a massive turn-off and we broke up the following morning (true story, although perhaps unrelated). But it did get me thinking about why some people name their junk. 

It's definitely a gender thing. Women don't name their vagina Coochie, Princess Lala, or Mrs. Bucket (not unless we're heavily intoxicated / joking around with other girls / or happen to be one of the non-existent women who thought the Feminax FrooFroo ad campaign was a good idea)

But WHY. I'm really stuck on this one. Here are a few possible conclusions (but feel free to add your own in the comment section):

- The Penis has a mind of its own, so it needs a name too
- It's very important to the man so needs a respectable title like 'Mr' or 'Junior'
- As a child they were taught to call their bits funny names and this has continued into adulthood
- It's a LAD thing, and it's a funny to tell the LADS about 'Rodzilla' cos they're #LADS
- It needs a name so when it's called it knows when to come (BOOM BOOM)
- Its courteous to know the name of who they're waking up with..

Who knows. 

No, seriously - who knows?

Thursday, 18 July 2013

DIY scrabble nails

No, you're not admiring the work of a profesh nail artiste, I did these (practically perfect, yar) LOVE / HATE nails all by myself. OK, fine, they're a bit crappy, but the sentiment is there.

And once I've mastered the art of writing with my left hand Sophy Robson better watch her back, guuurl!

/\ How they looked after a week on the beach raving it up at Hideout Fest...

/\ Two layers of BarryM in matte white,

/\ Applying Sally Hansen nail art pen in black... Thinking steady thoughts....

/\ Not bad for my first time..

/\ Yeah, pretty shit, whatever.

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Interview: with a swinger

They're back: my interviews with anonymous fetishists. Why? Because you lot seemed to luuuurve reading about peoples' fetishes (you dirty, damn perverts). So this time, I've interviewed a swinger, a lover of group sex, wizard master of multiple genitalia.

If you have a fetish and would like to take part, then drop me an email at

So what is it that turns you on about group sex/swinging?

It's difficult to say really. I think it's the heightened level of passion, with more than one person. I enjoy watching and being watched, and enjoy the closeness of multiple bodies at the same time.

When I've been swinging with a partner - as opposed to just joining a threesome - I love watching my partner with another person. That "out of body" experience - watching her looking at them in the same way that usually only I get to experience - is such a turn on. I can't really explain it, it's a feeling of jealousy, but one that I enjoy.

Image from Touch Us

What’s your favourite part of group sex?

I'm bisexual, so I really like being with a couple or a group of people with a bisexual couple too. Then I feel that all inhibitions are removed - everyone has fun with everyone. In a threesome, for example, I think my favourite situation is being inside the girl, while performing oral on the guy. 

Explain, in graphic detail please, your last group sex encounter...

I was at my friends' flat, a couple - let's call them Gemma and Mike. Gemma started talking about Fifty Shades of Grey, and suddenly the conversation took a kinky turn for the better! They told me how they were thinking about having some fun with someone else in the bedroom, and after a couple of bottles of wine, Gemma made the first move and leaned in to kiss me.

I looked over at Mike who was leaning back in his chair, glass of wine in hand - and he smiled back at me. I took this as my cue, and kissed her deeply, and as our hands began to wander, I noticed Mike start to slide his hand inside his jeans. After a bit of time, she stood up and led me into their bedroom. Mike followed and took a seat in the corner. Clothes were discarded and bodies intertwined. After some time Mike joined us on the bed, and with Gemma in the middle we took turns kissing her, licking her, and fingering her.

He then asked "would you like to fuck my girlfriend?". That question was such a turn on, and I responded by sliding deep inside her. He was smiling and she was kissing us both. The night continued, for quite some time, with Mike and I taking turns in pleasuring and being pleasured by Gemma. It was an exhausting and exhilarating evening!

GIF from Exploring4two

Where do you think your fetish came from?

I think its a very common fantasy for guys to dream of being with two or more girls. In all honesty it was probably triggered by porn.

When was your first experience exploring your fetish? 

It came up for discussion years ago with an ex girlfriend, who was open to trying it. Our first experience was with a mutual female friend of ours. We spent the night kissing and touching but nothing too hardcore! This lead to meeting a couple on the internet, and visiting them at their house. It was my first partner swapping experience, and I loved it. It was so hot hearing my girlfriend screaming in ecstasy - but knowing it wasn't me doing it!

What’s your greatest group sex fantasy? 

I'd love to be tied to a chair in the centre of a room, somewhere like a Swingers Club, blindfolded, and touched all over by strangers.

Do your partners have a problem with your fantasy? Or are they pretty open? Has anyone ever flat-out said 'no' without even trying it?

It can be a difficult subject to approach. I've had some be open-minded, some who loved it, some who wouldn't even try it. But I'd never force anyone to do anything they say they're not interested in.

When I have done swinging or group sex with partners, we have to have the formal chat about limits and boundaries. You have to understand each other before going into it. It can either bring you closer together, or drive you further apart. If you're on rocky ground already it almost certainly won't fix anything.

Have you ever felt weird or embarrassed about your fetish?

I've never felt weird about it - but I've restrained myself from bringing it up if I know its not something they like.

What would you say to the people who say that swinging is only for old people who need something more stimulating sexually?

Don't knock it til you try it! If you're interested or want to try it - don't wait until you're old. There are plenty of young singles and couples doing it - and more are always welcome! If you're in a strong relationship swinging offers an opportunity to meet new people, (and maybe have sex with them) while your partner does the same, or possibly watches you. It really depends on what interests you!

Image from GangBangWhore

Do you use swingers sites, events, or group sex porn sites that you can recommend?

I've met quite a few people through As with any website of its kind, there's a challenge finding that special needle in the haystack, but once you do you'll have a great time! 

What’s your favourite porn sites for group sex? Share it with our budding fetishists! 

My current favourite is a Touch Us tumblr. It has a great collection of amateur and pro videos, images, and GIFs.

If you have any additional questions for our secret swinger then comment below!

Madison x

Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Is porn becoming sex education?

What do you do if you want to find out how to perfect the smoky-eye look? Create a fishtail plait? Learn how to use HTML? Make a purl stitch when knitting?

You might ask someone who knows - a parent, a friend, even a teacher or a colleague. But, increasingly, we're going online to find the answers to our questions.

How do you have sex? Quick, go online to find a tutorial = find porn. It's not surprising that a whole generation of people are growing up, using porn as their main point of reference.

Don't get me wrong, porn can be great. It can be varied. It can be an easily accessible learning tool. But porn is widely driven by men, funded by men, directed by men, targeted at men. So the majority presents only a narrow view of what sex can be like - hardcore. So if it's your main point of reference, it can stunt sexual growth. This is why websites like Make Love Not Porn (a new porn site by women for women), are so important in the fight against this - I NEED MEMBERSHIP!

Imagine this scenario:
Guy wants to come on Girl's face because he's seen it in porn - it looks pretty darn good and the Porn-Girls seem to love it. Can't get enough, in fact. Girl hates the thought of this, but Porn-Girls seem to love it, so she probably should too. Girl allows Guy to come on her face, pretends she enjoys it, secretly hates it, but Guy is none the wiser. They go round and round in circles.

Yes, some of us like it hard: Biting into the headboard. Scratching until drawing blood. Screaming until hoarse. But some of us also like it soft. Intimate, close, with a steady rhythm that builds into an orgasm so strong that it takes your breath away and makes your toes numb.

Hardcore is only one way to have sex. There are plenty of others. What we should be focusing on is great sex - and that comes from experimenting. Mixing it up. Finding out what you both really want.

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Browhaus: one month later

Exactly one month ago I visited Browhaus for threading and a colour tweak.

I was so impressed with the results, and I love the new look. And one month later, they're still looking pretty bitchin'. I haven't pencilled them in, or tweezered (yup, that's totally a word), but they're still bold and perfectly shaped.

I cannot recommend Browhaus enough (particularly the wonderful, El). This treatment only cost £20, the results have lasted for ages, and I don't have to worry about sorting them out every morning.

So, have you tried Browhaus? Do you recommend any other treatments? Have you seen long-lasting results too?

Monday, 24 June 2013

sexual shaming

Do you have a fetish? Something a bit kinky? A sexual preference that turns you on more than anything else?

Most of us do.

But just to be clear, I'm talking about the entire spectrum of fetishes - from spanking or strangling, to dressing up like farm animals and playing in each others' muck. No matter what it is, or who you are, it can be nerve-wracking to broach the topic with a lover for the first time.

What does matter, however, is how your lover responds. If they're a good apple, they'll join you. Not sure, but they might give it a go. Not keen, and they'll say "no" in an transparent and caring way.

But what if they don't respond that way? What if they're appalled.. Horrified... Disgusted... Or they laugh right in your face? Then what?

Despite how they've made you feel, you're not weird, or sexually deviant, or perverse*

You? You're awesome. You've shared your deepest desires and dreams with someone. You've been open-minded, sexually explorative. You've been honest and brave.


I know a lot of women and men who are too scared to be open with their partners because they're afraid of how they'll respond. I too have had ex-boyfriends react badly to (even very vanilla) suggestions. It can be humiliating and demoralising.

But if your lover's not open-minded or kind about what turns you on, then maybe they're not Mr/Mrs Right. Let's be honest, are you going to contain or hide that part of yourself for the rest of your life? No. And you shouldn't have to either.

So keep doing what you're doing.

*unless, of course, you quite clearly are. And you're into kids or animals or something.

Sunday, 23 June 2013

Review: Trendy nail wraps

Aside from the terrible name, these nail wraps are pretty bitchin.

And when it comes to nail wraps, I've been around the block. There are tons of different brands, designs, and prices, but when it comes to hard wearing and longevity, these Trendy wraps are the ONE.

They lasted 18 days in total, which is better than any other brand I've tried. And they only cost me £3.99 in some bargain shop near me. But you can buy them direct, or on eBizzle.

For those of you who don't know, nail wraps are basically thin vinyl films which stick onto your nail. It's better than varnish because you get awesome designs, cheap, and without having to wait around for them to dry (I'm impatient, aite?). Top application tip: heat the gluey-side of the wrap with a hair dryer to make them super sticky.

So... after 7 days:

After 14 days:

The aftermath of application

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Review: Browhaus, threading and colour tweak

I've never had my eyebrows done before. I know, I know! I'm a terrible excuse for a woman! But I always thought my brows were OK, y'know? I mean, they're eyebrows. Their main purpose is to scold other commuters and small children who get in my way...

So I went to the best brow sculptors in the biznits - Browhaus.

Located in Covent Garden, it's a great little salon, with a laid back but professional, friendly vibe. And I had a fantastic beauty therapist called El.

First, was the threading. It's weird. It's basically like a grown-up, mildly painful version of cats cradle. On your face.

But the results were impressive. Those teeny tiny hairs that tweezers miss, gone. And the sore, puffy, redness from waxing, gone. I had beautiful shaped brows in minutes.

Then came the dye. I wanted a really bold look (GO BIG OR GO HOME YEAH), to contrast against my blonde huurr. So I went for the medium brown option. The dye is applied one of two ways: against the hair growth for a subtle look, or with the hair for a bolder look (because it dyes the skin temporarily).

I went for the latter. Natch.


The results are perfect! I cannot believe that I've never had my eyebrows done before - it's only now that I realise how much it can change your whole look.

The colour will fade (duh) but lasts for about three weeks - I'll fill in the colour with an eyebrow pencil - and get them done again in about 5 weeks from now. It only costs £20 a sesh, and with brows like these, who can say non?!S how OLD do I look in the before pic? I'm only 25, I swear!

Thursday, 6 June 2013

Ann Summers press night

Ann Summers has come a long way. I'm the first to admit that it used to be a bit cheap and tacky. But no more! The Ann Summers you knew when you were 16 is gone!

Good bye expensive funny-fitting bras and garish lighting. Hello expert staff, luxurious fabrics, and undies that fit LIKE A GLOVE.

I should know, I spent £180 in there the other day. That's right, one hundred and eighty good English pounds on smut and lace. Because that's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it.

Don't worry, they're still unashamedly naughty - they have crotchless panties and a sex toy range to moan for. But now, most of their collection is classy and sophisticated. Think delicate lace imported from Paris, think ruched silk to caress the butt cheeks, think friendly experts who measure your breasts by sight.

But don't take my word for it, get into a shop and see the changes for yourself. Here's a sneak preview of what you can expect...

...Parisian lace...

Legs in the air, don't care...

Ninja sex slaves ahoy!