Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Review: Mooncup

Disclaimer: this post is about surfing the crimson wave (aka periods) - Turn back now if you're a boy or highly susceptible to the 'ick' factor.

So, ladies, now that we're alone, let's talk Mooncups and periods.

I know, I know. I'm about to start writing about ick and stuff. But this is an important post to share with you - I've found that the Mooncup benefits really do out-weigh my initial "ewww" reaction. And after 10 years as a tampon-user, I'm converted.

So, what is it?

The Mooncup is a reusable menstrual cup, two-inches long, and made from soft medical-grade silicone. It's folded, and easily inserted into the vagine. It sits lower-down than a tampon, and forms a light seal against the vaginal walls, collecting menstrual fluid without any leakage. After 8 hours, you simply remove the Mooncup, rinse, and re-insert.


Let's face it, we're all different. So I appreciate that the Mooncup might not be right for you, but it is for me. Here's why:

It's (surprisingly) comfortable

Yes, it takes some getting used to - it’s not easy to change a 10 year-old regime. But after you've practiced inserting the Mooncup the right way for your body (your vagina is unique to you, sistah) then you hardly even think about it.
My advice: choose the best size for you (there are two variants), give it a chance (apparently it takes 3 periods to get used to), and relax (being tense only makes it difficult).

Good for the environment, good for you

Tampons are out of touch. 8 million of them end up in landfill every year. #rank.

Mooncups, howevz, last for years. They contain no additives or chemicals so they keep you (and the planet) nice and healthy.

Not inextricably linked to TSS

Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS) is a sometimes fatal illness linked to the high absorbency and prolonged use of tampons. Even Tampax confess: "You can eliminate the risk of menstrual TSS by not using tampons"

No dryness, no irritation, no thrush!

The Mooncup collects only menstrual fluid and can hold 3x more stuff than a super size tampon.

But tampons absorb everything (so you have to change them more often) including the vagina’s natural protective secretions. This can make it uncomfortable to insert/remove tampons AND buggers up your PH balance giving you Thrush.

Cheaper than tampons/pads

My Mooncup only cost about £15 in Boots, and it last for years and years and years until you dry up and become a spinster.
On average, women use approx 22 tampons per period. That's, like, an entire £3.99 box. Add it up, and that’s almost £2,000 for your entire menstruating life. I’d rather spend that in Chanel, thanks.

(Surprisingly) unmessy

Let's face it, periods aren't nice. There's blood. There's ick. But the Mooncup isn't messy at all. Yes, you do see more blood in terms of quantity. But it doesn't go everywhere or anything, and there's absolutely no leakage.
And anyway, you're going to shoot a watermelon-size human outta there one day so you might as well get over the "ick" factor.

SO... would you consider the Mooncup? Have you tried it before? Are you a Tampon devotee? Tell me below!

Sunday, 12 May 2013

Learning the art of giving great head: With Midori

On Wednesday, I went to a masterclass artfully called 'Playing the Clarinet'. Well guessed, people. I'm not talking about shiny, phallic, musical instruments - I'm talking about the art of cock-sucking.

After downing a bit of Dutch courage at the ladies-only event, we were taken downstairs to the saucier section of the store - bondage and kink galore.




We were introduced to our teacher for the evening, a petite Japanese/American woman who quite frankly oozed sex. Let's put it this way, even the way Midori seductively removed her glasses had me twitching in my seat.

Midori taught us a number of things that evening, including: various hand, tongue, lip techniques, how to put a condom on using nothing but your mouth (a porn-star art form I've long admired), a maneuver called The Melting Girl into Tigress, and the value of having BAGS OF ENTHUSIASM.

We learnt about Pavlovian Conditioning: Having a visual trigger - such as a vampy red lipstick - which you put on every time you go down on your lover. The lipstick then acts as a visual stimulant, so when he sees you putting it on after dinner, or in a bar, he knows what's in store for him later..

We learnt not to be afraid of watery eyes during a great BJ. Even if your make-up runs and you look like a diseased panda, don't worry. Apparently, due to our neanderthal heritage, this is a GOOD thing! Watery eyes indicates virility and youth.

We had practical sessions too, where we got to practice our new-found techniques on courgettes, ice-lollies, and lollipops. Yes. Really. I will never eat a courgette again.



In fact, we learnt so much that I couldn't possibly write it all down. 

Instead, visit Midori's website and learn everything there is to know about "playing the clarinet". After all, it's always good to improve your skill set ;-)