Monday, 25 November 2013

9 signs I need to stop going out as much

Sometimes, there's nothing better than some good, old self-reflection (no, I don't mean hanging over the toilet seat, staring at your puke-dribbling reflection in the toilet water). No. I mean self-reflection in the most positive way. So here are 9 signs that have helped me realise I should probably stop going out as much.

98% of photos on my phone are drunken selfies

Or instagram pictures that I protest are "supposed to be ironic, DUH"



90% less likely to wear a coat on a night out

£2 for the cloakroom?
A 45 minute wait?
I'll just snuggle up in my wine blanket, thanks.

75% of daily conversations begin, awkwardly, with "so, about last night.."

And usually, I don't want to know the answer.

60% of my texts are ones I REALLY shouldn't have sent

And are peppered with inappropriate emoticons

54% of people I meet are completely forgettable



20% of my time the next day is spent checking my bank balance, freaking out, and reporting fraud to Natwest

Turns out, fraud's virtually impossible when it's chip and pin.
Turns out, I just forgot the drunken 4am KFC I bought... For EVERYONE IN KFC.

8% of my body's covered with suspicious scrapes and bruises



5% of my wardrobe is stolen from other drunk people

Highlights include:
  • Stacks of sunglasses
  • Halloween/Christmas costume/props
  • hats nicked from people's actual heads
  • and Jaegerbomb flower garlands because you can really never have enough of those
0% self-awareness on a hangover

Clearly. Because I have no issues with going out in public dressed like THIS:




5 comments :

  1. Haha this is SO ME!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha I laughed so hard at this. I DO THEM ALL

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  3. great outfit! ;0)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love this! Hope you're well beaut xx

    ReplyDelete

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