Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Interview with a lover of chastity and orgasm denial

Here's the next interview with an anonymous fetishist. Everyone, meet Andy. Author of fantastic blog, Ruffled Sheets. And lover of chastity devices and orgasm denial. WHY am I interviewing people with fetishes? Because you (perverts) seem to ruddy LOVE them.

So what IS a chastity fetish?

It involves (at the very least) a person giving up some kind of control of their orgasms. From mild "tease & denial" (one person controls their partner’s orgasm, usually by speeding up & slowing down), to 24/7 control (someone’s locked in a secure device that prevents them from achieving orgasm). Their partner is called a "keyholder" and decides when they should be let out.

So what is it about chastity that turns you on?

Tough question. There are two aspects: The first is the power exchange between myself and my “key holder”. The second is the intense state of arousal I feel when I'm chaste.

Tell us more about those two aspects

I'm in control of everything else in my life – my own boss, with my own company. But, in secret, having that aspect of control taken away from me, or rather, giving that control to someone else is such a turn on.

Also, like most guys, my arousal resets to zero immediately after I orgasm. Back to square one. I intensely enjoy being turned on, so that can be disappointing. Of course, I always enjoy reaching orgasm, but do I really want to sacrifice my arousal for just a few seconds of (albeit amazing) pleasure? Often, I don't.

Like most guys, the only way for me to stay aroused is not to orgasm. I didn't know this when I started experimenting with chastity, but there's a level of arousal that can only be achieved by abstaining from orgasm for a few weeks. I love it!

(Yep. This is a pic of Andy. Yep. I know. Be cool.)

How did your fetish begin?

Enjoying being teased. It just progressed from there. Since I first began masturbating I used to bring myself to the brink of orgasm again and again, a practice I now know is called "edging". I then started fantasising about someone else “edging” me, not being allowed to orgasm – but it was always a fantasy. I would always orgasm when masturbating.

Years later, I looked online to see if others had a similar fetish. I found teasing erotica, low-end porn, and a few chastity websites. It introduced me to chastity devices and I began fantasising about being locked in one myself.

It was all a fantasy though, until out of the blue, when my partner was giving me a handjob, just when I was about to orgasm, she stopped then slowed right down. It was like an epiphany! It felt amazing. She did it a few times before she eventually made me orgasm and it blew my mind. I was unable to think or concentrate on anything. It felt like my head was about to explode. By that point I knew my interests were more than just fantasy.

She then challenged me to see how long I could abstain from orgasm. We agreed a week, but I tried as long as I could – I ended up going for five weeks! It only ended because we started fooling around and neither of us could stop.

Soon after, I ordered my first chastity device (The Curve) and we gave it a try. I wore it for a few hours at first. But then I got used to it and could wear it for days before needing to take it off and clean.

How did it feel, putting it on for the first time?

Strange. It’s an alien feeling to be prevented from achieving a full erection. When it arrived, I was so excited, I tried to put it on right away. But I was so turned on that it wouldn't actually fit! When I was eventually calm enough to put it on, I did so and tried to carry on with things as normal. Urinating was strange – sitting down, easier. Walking around was fine. Laying on my front was awkward, but on my side or back was fine. Night-time erections would wake me up all the time, but they’d subside, and I was more than prepared to put up with a little short-term discomfort to fulfil my fantasy.

So when did the chastity properly begin for the first time?

During that time I had a spare key on me – it was my first time, I didn’t know if I had the right size or if it would do any damage.

But when I was happy and handed over all the keys, it was such a rush. I was so turned on but couldn’t do anything about it. I had no idea when I would be let out again or when my next orgasm would be. It was thrilling. After a couple of weeks wearing the device (except for a couple of times I was allowed to unlock to clean), my partner unlocked me and gave me an orgasm. It was so intense and so amazing.

So your partner happily indulges your fetish?
Yes, she does. She's not into it as much as I am, but we both have a lot of fun with it. We both have different turn-ons, like most couples, so we both do what we can to fulfil each other's desires.

Have you ever had a partner who wouldn’t explore chastity?

I can't answer this question. I've been with the same girl for over 10 years now. I discovered chastity early in our relationship, so she's the only one I've ever done this with.

Do you and your partner both use these devices, or just you?
Just me! She'd never wear anything like that, I'm sure!

What's your favourite device and why?

Most comfortable is the Bon4L – it’s silicone. It moulds to my body. Perfect for everyday activities and being active. The downside is that it's very enclosed (it needs to be, silicone isn't as strong as other materials) and needs to be taken off to clean more often than other devices.

I have a couple of steel ones. But my perfect device would be custom made from steel, or maybe titanium. There are a few companies, such as Steel Werks Extreme. They can cost thousands but I’m sure I’ll invest at some point. 

(Andy's Birdcage chastity device complete with stunt willy)

What's your greatest fantasy involving chastity?

Unfortunately, it’s not one I could ever act it out. I've fantasised about being a teenager, a virgin again, locked in a device by a teasing girlfriend who wanted to control my orgasms and not let me have sex with her. Being so young and sexually charged, but in a device is a huge turn on. Obviously, I'm no longer a virgin, but it's a nice fantasy!

OK, what about a fantasy that you could achieve?

Having my penis pierced and it being incorporated into a chastity device. Lots of devices have the Prince Albert attachment – it prevents the wearer from pulling out. Being so securely locked-in is a big turn on!

Ever felt weird about your fetish?

Oh, all the time. Abstaining from orgasm is paradoxical. So that has to be a little weird, right? Locking a steel device onto my penis to prevent erection? Very weird. But it doesn’t make me feel bad – if I had low confidence then maybe it would. But I’m quite alright not being average, and I’ve never wanted a mediocre sex life.

Can you recommend any useful websites for people interested in chastity?
I haven't been there for a while, but I remember a resource called - it's all about chastity in general and "tease & denial". I haven't been there for years now, but there used to be a great forum with a really helpful community of people - they'd share links and such.

Finally, are you wearing anything right now...?

I'm actually, currently reviewing a chrome-look CB-6000 for a new online store, so it's a good time to ask that question! Not sure when I'll be let out (other than for cleaning). But I feel great! It's a very tight fit, but surprisingly comfortable. I was able to sleep through the night almost immediately, which is rare. Normally it takes a week or so to acclimatise to a new device.

(The CB-6000 chastity device and a fucking cool-looking coffee)

Got a question for Andy? Add it in the comments below!
Check out Ruffled Sheets or follow him on Twitter. Seriously. He's lush. Do it.


  1. The dirty swinger21 November 2013 18:12

    Great interview!

    I've watched someone deny his partner orgasms until he says so. Her obedience and subsequent explosion of pleasure was so enjoyable to watch. Maybe one day ill give this a go.

    Cheers for sharing Andy.

    1. Hey - thank you!

      It really does make a huge difference. The intensity is amazing when you do finally orgasm.

      Glad you enjoyed the interview :-)

  2. Does it hurt? And can't you hear it clanging around the ones that have padlocks?

    1. No, they don't hurt.

      They can be uncomfortable if your body tries to become hard, but that's easily solved by walking around or going to the bathroom.

      Most devices are ok as they are designed for the standard size of small padlocks. If you have a particularly small lock then it can clang, but that's easily solved by taping it down.

  3. You might not have an answer to this because you've been with your lady for such a long time, but what are you recommendations on how to broach the orgasm/denial thing with your girlfriend? I've been playing with myself in the same way you did at the beginning (edging - thanks for the clarification!), but would love for her to take control and tease me to the extreme. Not massively sure how to bring that up? Don't want to insult her technique because she's fucking amazing!

    1. I found that discussing fantasies was the best way.

      I bought a book with lots of fetishes and different types of sex play in and we went through it, highlighting what turned each other on. I mentioned a few things, including chastity. I bought my first device I think a week later!

      If you think she may be put off with a device, you could always try it without. She can control and tease you, you just won't be locked. It's a good way to start. She may find she enjoys the control she has over you...!

  4. Have you ever panicked and tried to take it off?

    1. No, I've always been fine with it.

      Sometimes I feel like I do just want to take it off, especially if I've been uncomfortable in bed and just want a few hours uninterrupted sleep. But I've never panicked. I know, if I really wanted to, I'd be able to snap it off or, if it's crafted from steel, use bolt croppers to remove it. But I've never reached that stage!

  5. How come your partner wouldn't try chastity herself? Is she more into the dominant role then? x

    1. It's just not her thing at all.

      I don't think it's necessarily a dominant or submissive thing. Some people just don't like that sort of thing, with themselves anyway.

  6. I can relate to everything you're writing here. Have pretty much the same experience, but with the CB6000s.

    1. That's good to hear!

      It's always nice to have your opinions validated by someone who has had the same experiences as you :-)

  7. Love love love! You got me in to chastity.

    1. Hey - you're welcome!

      Always glad to enthuse others with chastity and orgasm denial!

  8. Love love love! You got me in to chastity.

  9. Awesome interview! I found it quite enlightening. :)

    1. Great, Penny :) Glad you enjoyed it x

    2. Me too! Thanks for reading, Penny.

      Hope you like the photos, as well!


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