Sunday, 17 November 2013

porn women v real women

Foreplay

Porn Woman: "Yeah, I love it when you spit on my pussy - feels great. Like you really respect me. And it just drives me WILD when you go down on me with a pointy tongue and dry fingers. Now let's give up on the foreplay pretence, just jack hammer the fuck out of me. That's what I'm here for anyway. I'll just lie here and writhe/moan forcibly."

Real Woman: "Let's make-out for, like, 10-12 minutes. Or until I'm sufficiently lubricated. Kiss me slowly, deeply (too much tongue!), that's right - nibble my ear, kiss down my neck, keep going down, DON'T FORGET MY NIPPLES, yep, just shut up and keep going 'til I can't control it and throw myself on top of you"

Dicks

Porn Woman: "Wow, a 10-inch cock. That's all I ever dream of. AND MORE"

Real Woman: "GET AWAY FROM ME, MUTANT, WHAT THE HELL, MAN"

Talking dirty

Porn Woman: "I love it when you call me a "slut" and "whore". Who's my daddy? YOU'RE MY DADDY AND NO I DON'T FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE OR WEIRDED OUT BY THAT AT ALL"

Real Woman: "That's good, whisper some sexy stuff in my ear. Actually just shut up, you're weirding me out"



Giving head

Porn Woman: "This is my all-time favourite activity. Especially love it when you grab my hair/head and try to force it in further. Oops, sorry, GAG REFLEX hahah! Mmm yum, I really wouldn't rather be anywhere else right now - not even eating chocolate or playing with puppies!"

Real Woman: "He seems to be enjoying this. GET THE FUCK OFF MY HAIR. Not too deep or I'll puke. I'll puke all over that dick. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? Should I do something with the balls? Or rub that gooch bit?"

Swallowing

Porn Woman: "I've never tasted anything so good! I wish they bottled it and sold it at Wholefoods!"

Real Woman: "I had a bad experience once. I'm allergic. I hear it's fattening. Full of calories. I just put new sheets. You come too much. You don't taste very nice. DON'T GET ANY IN MY HAIR"


















Anal sex

Porn Woman: "Harder! Faster! Until you could open me wide enough to house a family of badgers!"

Real Woman: "Do I really want to do this? What have I got myself into? Oh, this isn't so bad. Wait. I'm pooping. Am I pooping? ABORT, ABORT."

The finale

Porn Woman: "OK, he's finished. I'm too raw to feel anything down there. Doesn't matter anyway because he's rolled off me now. What. I was ready to give my greatest fake orgasm performance. Now the world will never know how loudly I can scream"

Real Woman: "Has he come? I'm almost there, *unattractive spasm*, keep doing that, don't stop, keep going, *pulls weird face, probably*, so close, almost there, yes, almost, *goes rigid*, here it comes, Fuccck yeee*SPASM, TOES SEIZE UP, DEAD LEG, COLLAPSE*eeees

Now, get me some water/food/Eastenders and let's spoon"

6 comments :

  1. The dirty swinger17 November 2013 23:18

    Hahahahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bloody loved this.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love the pictures!!! Haha you crack me up

    ReplyDelete

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