Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Why facial hair's the best thing to happen to a man's face

I can't believe we even need to debate this. I mean HONESTLY. Just look at these fine facial hair specimens. It's just pure manliness oozing from the pores.

I thought everyone (in their right fucking mind) shared my facial hair fetish (pogonophilia FYI), until a friend told me that his girlfriend didn't like it SO HE SHAVED IT OFF. A crime against male sexuality. Probably.

So let's build a case as to why you should let your face flourish and grow that goddamn beard.

They are proven to be more sexy

Not by me, by ACTUAL SCIENCE.

Facial hair strongly influences people's judgement of men's socio-sexual attributes. FACT. Research shows that women find men with heavy stubble the most attractive (compared to clean shaven etc), and men with beards are perceived to be healthier and better dad-material.

They have a history of being bad ass

In the Middle Ages, if a dude touched another dude's beard it was legit grounds to start a duel. 

Beards are dangerous in battle because you could grab onto them - so bearded warriors were considered more legendary than all the other clean-shaven mama's boys out there.

They represent good health

Shut up about cleanliness or hygiene.
Juuuuust zip it.
Facial hair helps regulate body temperature, reduces harmful UV exposure by up to 95%, and signals a healthy immune system.

They have a history of being wise and intelligent...

Think Sophocles, Abraham Lincoln, Shakespeare, Karl Marx, Hemingway, Jesus Christ, Einstein, Colonel Sanders, Father Christmas, Tom Selleck....

They signal higher social status

People perceive bearded men to have a "high-ranking social position and command respect over other men in the community". AND, in 2004, a study showed that senior academic professors at UK universities were bearded, in comparison to junior researchers and lecturers who were mostly clean-shaven.

They can turn dweebs into Gods...

...But they are not all created equal

There are many different styles...

...But clean-shaven guys only get one look - their face.

They're cheaper

Sick of paying for Roger Federer, Tiger Woods and Thierry Henry's lifestyles? Then stop buying fucking razors and let that bush grow straight outta your face. No rashes. Not cuts. Only thing you'll have to worry about is managing the multitude of sexual advances about to come your way #KERCHIIING

In conclusion...

Haters gonna hate but science proves that facial hair is sexy so there.

I mean it.


  1. I completely agree with this post! Beards are smexy! I've never dated a man who was able to grow one properly. sigh!

  2. Stubble I have no trouble producing but a full beard gets too itchy around the throat area, I shave 2-3 times a week.

  3. Yep I defininatly have it! I love a beard and insisted my husband grew one. In fact I spend to much time looking at hot guys with beards.

    1. Who doesn't. Haters, that's who.

  4. Hairy lips happy nips


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